2014 Summary

My seven-year-old daughter made this for me using an app she found on my Android.
She calls her creation 'My Mommy's books'.

Best Christmas present EVAH!

What do you think? Like it?

Bullying: A never-ending story

A bully (by my definition) is a cowardice person who thinks that the only way to make him/her feel superior is by dragging others down to their level.

Solution: Don’t get dragged down to their level, then. Be more.

The problem with my solution? Well, duh! It’s not easy.

Bullying happens everywhere, every time, to almost every one. Sadly, bullying happens the most at school. Kids and teenagers could be the meanest being alive.

Everyone who is literate knows the negative—sometimes lethal—effect of bullying on its victims. We’re aware that bullying is bad, no matter what the scale is. We know what we’re expected to do when we see or experience one. But—as usual with real life—knowing and experiencing are two different things.

When our kids fall victim to bullying, every wisdom and every common sense flew out of the window. Instead of being rational and calm, most the time our initial reaction would be to throw Thor’s hammer in the direction of that bully who’s hurt our children. If you say you don’t feel this way, then maybe you’re one of those robotic parents.

When our children were younger, the solutions were simpler. We could talk to the teachers, or the other parents, and most of the times the problem stopped. When kids get older, the act of bullying gets more complicated, and the involvement of an adult often seen as a weakness in the eyes of the kid. Beware of verbal bullying, because the bruises and the scars can’t be seen with our eyes and the effect usually takes a while to show its ugly face. Furthermore, we can’t possibly shelter our children 24/7 forever. On top of those, words like “ignore them” or “laugh it off” would no longer be sufficient to fight off a bully.
Even when you’re lucky to miss one bully now, there’ll be more of them out there, waiting in the shadows to meet you.

It’s complicated I say, and it is.

The only thing that we can—and always—tell our kids is that they need to find a way to stand up for themselves. How, when, what are not set in stone. Every kid will deal with this in their own way, in their own time.
The most important thing we, parents, need to constantly remind them are:
1. The definition of a bully, so they can spot one if they meet one.
2. Don’t let anyone dictate how you feel.
3. Stand up, stand up, stand up for yourself.

It’s not unusual that the kids misinterpret standing up as fighting. Standing up doesn’t mean talking with your fists, or sinking lower to their level by bullying other people or by being bitter. Standing up can be done with a simple “Stop It” or to yell a warning shout or to do a warning shove… anything.

Remember, a bully is a coward. Once he/she senses that their victim could bite, they instantly become their true-self—a coward.

So stand up.
Be firm.
Hold fierce eye-contact.
Make it matter. Make your voice matter.
Don’t ever cower.

Stand!

Big, High, and Almighty

My six year old daughter told me yesterday, "I want to change my last name."

Me (rolled eyes dramatically): Yeah? To what?

Daughter : Obama. My name would be Nina Obama.

Me (laughed, and then stayed speechless)

Moral of the conversation :
"If you have a dream, aim it high, big, and almighty. Don't settle for a second best."

Here's the Thing

Here’s the thing.

This is a lovely box. My friends used this box to put my birthday present inside. I remembered that the gift was lovely, just as lovely as the box. That’s why I keep them both all these years.

Last night, my six year old daughter pulled the box out from under piles of boxes in our storage and brought it to me and asked if she could use it for her art. My daughter is known for her growing talent in transforming junks into creative, beautiful arts, and last night, holding the box in her tiny hands, looking at me with creative fire in her eyes, she told me she wanted to use that box to make some Lion King’s masks. It means she would cut the box, splash paints and God knows what all over it, shred some of it, all in the name of making her art.

I said no. When she whined, I snapped, “Don’t ruin the box. If you want to make something, find yourself some other ugly junks.”

Translation : My box is prettier than your upcoming art.

I think I broke her heart a little last night.

I found her a nice shoebox after that and she quietly retreated back into her room and created her arts. She cut, she tore, she painted, she glued, and she created. She’s done it all with a slight gloom on her face, and I know why. She thinks I thought her arts were junks.

Don’t do what I did.


Here’s the thing.
It’s just a goddamn box in a storage full of junks.
Next to it is my kid’s creative heart.

I should have known which one was more important.

mellyberry in media

mellyberry and her six books, featured in Jawa Pos, Saturday August 11th, 2012.

Quotes from Annabelle of the Forest

Memorable quotes from Annabelle of the Forest, a fairy tale by mellyberry:

"Beauty comes from the inside, beyond your fair skin."


Father : "Save him..."
Annabelle : "I will, Father. I will save you too."
Father : "You just did, sweetheart."


Prince Marius : "Anna, why can't I see your face?"


Annabelle : "Go home. You don't belong in the Forest."
Prince Marius : "But I belong with you."


Prince Marius : "She's not an omen. She's a person and she has a name."


Fairy :"Rule well, my King. Rule with your heart."


For more about the book, check the inside of the book in www.amazon.com or http://mellyberry.blogspot.com

Kid Bully

We all hate bullies. We watch too many American TVs that show how bullies behaving badly in high school. Beware, my fellow parents. Bullies had hit home, and it comes much much sooner than high school. We are talking elementary soon.

When my 8 year old boy went home and complained to me about some of his classmates, I closed one of my eyes and thought that this was a phase in his school life that he has to go through, even when he told me that one of the boys had physically assaulted him twice. Then, the day came when he asked me the meaning of some words. The bad ones! The harsh ones! Believe me; you don’t want to be caught off guard trying to comprehend where the hell these kids learned the foul language. When I asked my boy why he wanted to know, he answered because some of those boys called him those things.

My motherly primate instinct kicked in right away. WHO DARED TO CALL MY KID THOSE NAMES? WHO DARED TO ATTACK MY INNOCENT SON? WHO ARE THESE KIDS?
With my emotion boiling up to 100C, my first instinct was to tell my son to fight back. To retaliate. To make those kids suffer. Yell back, shove them, will ya? I think I scared my son even more during this not-so-proud counseling moment. He must think that his mom suffered from acute multiple personality disorder.
Things were not better at home when my maid advised my son to punch those kids like a man. No, no, wrong advice!
When my husband heard the story in the evening, his exaggerate fatherly hormone kicked in even harder. He told me to enroll our son in any martial art classes and to show him more fighting/war movies. He was barely breathing air when he jolted down instructions at me, then moved on to preparing our son for battle. You have no idea how confuse our son was. He was such an innocent kid, definitely not ready yet to stand up against his bullies, and here we were – his parents – telling him to fight an eye for an eye kind of thing.

EVENT

Cereal Nation & Aksara Chidren's Book Club, presents:

OVER THE RAINBOW

a celebration of colours in stories, art, music and food

Sunday, 19th June 2011

2pm - 5pm

at Aksara Kemang

Jl. Kemang Raya No. 8B

South jakarta

Listen to Jirapah's songs and mellyberry's stories!

Learn to draw with artists from Kelir (Kelompok Ilustrasi Cerita Anak) 

in a free workshop for age 3+!

Learn to cook with Chef Nation in a free cooking class for age 4-10

Shop till you drop at the children's books sale and Cereal Nation corner

Indulge in sweet and savoury treats at Chef Nation bake sale

To sign up for the free workshops, send an email to acbc@aksara.com 

with subject line: Kelir drawing class or Chef Nation cooking class

mellyberry children books

Rainbow

Will it be nice if we only play with people who are similar to us? People who wear the same color of clothes, eat the same color of food, or play the same color of toys? Will we be happy if everything we own - pets, cars, or houses - are in the same color?
No? You don't think so? Well, some folks in this story thought otherwise. Let's see if what they thought was right.

Why Animals Can't Talk

A long time ago, both animals and humans were able to speak. But, one of them wanted something more. Did they get what they wanted? And how did greed reward them in the end?

'Slide to unlock' Parenting

“Now is a fast paced digital era.” Got it!
“Everything must be fast or else.” Check!
“Speed, speed, speed!” Agreed!

Inevitably, we are also becoming the generation of smart gadgets. Long gone is the generation of mobile phones, desktop computers or laptops that require a certain amount of time to reboot, to start up and to shut down. With the Apple products streaming down into the market, we are so spoiled by the speed (and the simplicity) of that "slide to unlock" button. It takes us only zero point zero zero second for the gadget to start up and completely running, assuming your service provider has done their job.


Speed. Simplicity. Comfort.
That's me and my partner gadgets. I demand nothing less than speed, simplicity and comfort. In my relationship with other human being, I stay close to the quality that my gadgets have provided me. That includes the way I run my work life, my social life, and yes, my family life.

In parenting, I'd love to manage my kids through speed, simplicity, and comfort (to me). In reality, children are not always up to speed, they are not always simple to handle, and they are not always stay in our comfort zone. I know that children require more effort and time to be understood and to be nurtured. I read dozens of books and articles about parenting. I consider myself the modern type of parent. You know, the one who is cool, well informed and democratic.

But.. You are Old!

The Journey of the Clown Kids

1.

After watching Rapunzel for the 10th times this week, my husband and I casually chatted with our 3 yeard old Nina about the meaning and the importance of love. To enhance her understanding, we inserted ourselves into the illustration.
“So, Nin, Mama is like Rapunzel, and Papa is like the Handsome Prince,” my husband began describing.
Nina’s eyes looked puzzled. “But.., you are not. You are OLD,” came her final verdict.

2.

I usually showed the pictures which I took at family/friend’s gatherings to my kids. Vanity questions usually followed, such as,” Did we all look pretty, Mike, in this picture?” My 8 year old boy would glance quickly at my phone screen and shrugged,” Your friends are all aunties.” “Yeah, so? Aren’t we pretty?” I insisted. He then answered, boredom was clear in his tone, “You and your friends are all old, Ma.” OK, time to do my math. Old = …… ?

3.

Mike was head over heels playing beyblade. He has been teaching his sister how to do it. Looking at how cute they were, mumbling questions and instructions to each other, I teased them, “Teach me too, Mike. I want to learn too.” Without even looking at me, he answered,” This is for kids, Ma. You are too old to play.”

Woohoo! Holiday!

Things that only the Clown Kids did

Bali 2010

1. Ate Sushi Tei 3x in Bali, as if they’ve never ever tasted it anywhere else before. In Jakarta, for example.

2. Fell into the fish pond while feeding the fish. Not once. But twice. Granted to entertain the hotel guests and staff.

3. Took fresh bread from the buffet table to be fed to the fish. They got scolded by the waiters. We pretended that these Clown kids were not ours.

4. Scratched by a squirrel while feeding it with peanuts. That was 1-0 for the squirrel.

5. Blew out the candles that lit the pathway to a romantic restaurant in Karma Kandara. “Wait, they are not birthday candles, kids,” said the concierge lady with a smile.

6. Messed out the art stuff in every art shops from Ubud to Seminyak. As if looking and admiring was not enough for these kids. They had to touch, rearrange, break and criticize some of the stuff in every shops. Oh, the horror in the shopkeepers’ faces. We had to buy something from the stores as our way to apologize.

A View from Above

A little canary was asked to join a Canary choir. She was hesitant. She felt that her voice wasn’t as good as those of the other canaries in the choir. But the Choir Leader insisted,” We need a few more canaries with different vocal characteristic for the Grand Championship. You’ll be an invaluable addition to the group.”

The little canary went home thinking of excuses to reject the Choir Leader’s invitation. Her grandfather told her to give it a try. “What’s stopping you, my child?” he asked her granddaughter. The little canary frowned,”My voice is too deep and too harsh for a canary, Grandpa. It is not the Choir quality voice.” The grandfather smiled,”Nonsense, little one. Let me tell you something…” The grandfather pointed out to the sea of flowers underneath their nest, “Do you see what I see?” The little canary nodded, “Flowers.” “Beautiful flowers. Colorful, aren’t they?” added her grandfather animatedly.

Then, the grandfather pointed out to the sky,” Remember rainbow? What makes it so special?” “The beautiful colors?” answered the little canary with a grin. “Yes, yes! The colors. The d i f f e r e n t colors,” shouted her grandfather.

“Now,” continued the grandfather, “Look at our feathers.” “What about it?” asked the little canary, examining her own. “Yours is not exactly the same as mine. That what makes each of us special.” The little canary shrugged,” What does it have to do with my choir?”
“E v e r y t h i n g,” answered her grandfather passionately. “Rainbow is beautiful because of its different colors. Everything was made with its own mark, and everything is part of something bigger. And without that special thing, the bigger part wouldn’t be that beautiful. Look at those flowers. Can you imagine how dull it would be, if all of the flowers have only one color?”

Bullying is Real

Bullying is real. So is cyberbullying.

I just read an article in TIME magazine, October edition, about bullying. In that sad shocking article, one can't help but feeling upset and nervous. Four US teenagers committed suicide last September after being bullied by their friends. This is not a horror movie, unfortunately, this is real.

Here are a few excerpts from the article:
"In the past four weeks, four US teenagers killed themselves after being harassed by schoolmates. Technology is quickly changing how kids bully one another."
"Bullies can be anywhere but there's no place they show up more than in schools"
"The trouble is, the technology of bullying has advanced much faster than efforts to stop it ever could. If you have a cell phone, you can post to your entire school that a girl is a slut or a boy is a fag - and you can attach unflattering photo or video to prove it. At least bullies of previous decades had to hold you down before they could spit in your face."
"There is a chicken-egg quality to bullying - you get hurt, and then you exact a price for it. And today, if you have so much as a Twitter account, you can exact that price in just 140 characters before any school official has a chance to talk you down. You post your worst thoughts in a heated moment, and the damage is done."
"Hateful behavior is never appropriate, no matter whether it happens online or in person. The idea that one is different from the other is the major problem." In short, it is incivility, wherever it occurs, that launches what can become a vicious bullying cycle."

I have read and re-read the above article a few times, and then I observe my surrounding. I can’t help but notice that in my neighborhood nowadays, a kid as young as 7 year old goes to school carrying a smartphone. As parents, we need to be wise, smart, and up-to-date in handling the issue. Here are a few points that came into my mind:

Courtesy has (not yet) died

My family went out to eat in a small restaurant in our neighborhood one evening. The place was crowded and the space was limited. While we were waiting for our meals, Nina accidentally dropped her cutleries and a small plate onto the floor. A family of four was passing our table when that incident happened. One of the young boys, I am guessing around 10-12 years old, smiled and quickly knelt down to pick up the mess my Nina has created on the floor. My husband immediately stood up and tried to stop him, saying it was not necessary for him to do that, but the boy continued doing it, put everything back on the table and smiled at Nina, "Ini, Dek." His family stood around and smiled too.

I, as usual, was too stunned to speak. I think I still managed to utter an awkward “Thank You.” There is no way I would do what this young boy has done. To a bunch of strangers? Definitely No Way! Let the waitress do that stuff.

Sekolah vs Les

Dahulu kala, semua hewan diwajibkan untuk bersekolah layaknya para manusia. Awalnya semua hewan masuk di kelas yang sama untuk mendapatkan pelajaran dasar pertama. Pelajaran dasar pertama antara lain adalah membaca peta hutan rimba, berhitung dan penguasaan karakter musuh.

Lambat laun, kelas dipecah sesuai dengan karakter masing-masing hewan. Para raja rimba seperti singa dan harimau mengikuti kelas mengintai mangsa dan kelas lari cepat. Para pemamah biak diajarkan cara memilih rumput yang segar dan bagaimana cara mengunyah yang tepat.

Tanpa disadari, terjadilah persaingan antar hewan dan antar sekolah. Semua berambisi untuk mencetak murid-murid yang sempurna dan gilang gemilang bak bintang. Status elit antar sekolah juga dipertaruhkan.

Untuk keperluan ini, sekolah-sekolah lalu menerapkan pelajaran yang lebih sulit dan menganut system penilaian yang lebih tinggi kepada para murid. Imbas dari pergeseran ini adalah menjamurnya acara pelajaran tambahan di luar sekolah, terutama untuk anak-anak hewan yang kurang mampu beradaptasi dan untuk anak-anak hewan yang berambisi menjadi bintang. Dipanggillah para pakar dari luar sekolah. Jadilah para anak sapi diajarkan (secara lebih mendalam) bagaimana cara memamah biak yang (lebih) tepat supaya ia bisa ke sekolah dan mempraktekkan cara memamah biak yang benar tersebut. Demikian pula dengan si anak singa. Supaya ia lebih jawara di dalam memburu mangsanya, ikutlah ia di pelajaran tambahan di luar jam sekolahnya, yang mengklaim akan lebih mengasah kemampuan perburuannya. Supaya nantinya ia bisa lulus dan memperoleh nilai yang lebih tinggi di sekolahnya, demikian klaim si orang tua singa.

Sang Pipit Kecil

Suatu ketika ada seekor burung pipit kecil yang sedang belajar terbang. Sang Ibu tak sabar ingin anaknya segera mahir terbang tinggi. Sialnya, sang pipit kecil tidak bisa langsung terbang tinggi. Terkadang ia hanya sanggup melompat dari dahan dan langsung terjatuh. Kepakan sayapnya masih lemah dan keahlian terbangnya masih nol.

Sang Ibu semakin tak sabar. Menurut sang Ibu, terbang adalah pekerjaan yang tidak sulit sama sekali. Ini adalah keahlian dasar semua burung pipit. Dalam ketidaksabarannya, sang Ibu mulai kehilangan akal sehat. Keluarlah omelan dan cacian untuk si kecil. "Masa terbang saja kau tak bisa?" "Apanya yang susah, Nak, kan hanya mengepakkan sayap." Mulailah sang Ibu menendang dan menjitak kepala sang anak apabila ia gagal terbang tinggi.

Sang pipit kecil ketakutan untuk mencoba. Terbang yang menjadi impiannya surut tiap hari seiring dengan omelan dari sang Ibu. "Mungkin Ibuku benar. Mungkin aku memang bodoh, tak bisa terbang," pikirnya sendu.

Suatu saat, sang Ibu pipit sedang pergi meninggalkan si anak di dahan. Datanglah seekor macan yang sedang lapar. Si macan mengintai sang pipit, "Akhirnya, inilah makan siangku." Sambil mengendap-endap, sang macan memanjat pohon tanpa suara. Tatkala sang pipit kecil menengok, sudah terlambat tampaknya. Andai kata ia terbang, ia pasti selamat. Namun, di dalam hatinya, si pipit kecil yakin kalau ia tak bisa terbang. Bukannya selama ini sudah terbukti kalau ia memang bodoh, tak bisa terbang? Bukankah selama ini sang Ibu terus berkata demikian?

Belajar itu (seharusnya) Menyenangkan

Preface :
Special thanks to my teacher friends, Jane and Agnes Bemoe, for allowing me to pick their brain and for sharing their thoughts. May you always teach from the heart, because nothing will ever go wrong from the heart's point of view. May you always inspire your students, because they never fail to inspire you.

Belajar itu (seharusnya) Menyenangkan

Ada banyak alasan mengapa judul di atas itu benar. Berikut ini adalah beberapa alasan tersebut.

Alasan pertama, semua manusia diciptakan oleh Sang Pencipta lengkap dengan rasa ingin tahu yang besar. Curiosity adalah awal yang membawa manusia berkembang maju. Tanpa curiosity, manusia tidak akan pernah mendarat di bulan, tidak akan pernah menghasilkan penemuan dan inovasi besar, tidak akan bertambah pintar. Manusia pada dasarnya selalu ingin tahu, selalu tergerak untuk mencari tahu. Curiosity ini sudah ada di dalam diri kita sejak kita bayi sampai selamanya. Walaupun kita telah melepaskan bangku sekolah, rasa keingin tahuan kita masih tetap ada. Kita tetap mau tahu ini dan itu, dari hal-hal yang sepele sampai hal-hal yang besar.

Proses mencari tahu ini sebenarnya adalah proses belajar itu sendiri. Jadi seharusnya, proses belajar dari kita kecil sampai tua adalah proses yang menyenangkan, karena kita semua sudah dikaruniai DNA curiosity ini. Tidak perlu memakai paksaan. Belajar yang benar dan menyenangkan itu adalah belajar yang dapat menjawab kebutuhan curiosity kita. Belajar itu harus bisa merangsang kreativitas, imajinasi, dan out-of-the-box thinking. Kalau sudah berbicara mengenai ini semua, secara otomatis belajar itu menjadi menyenangkan. Jangan lagi belajar model hafalan atau cara diktator yang meminta anak untuk menerima saja tanpa banyak tanya. Kalau dalam kenyataan, proses belajar – terutama untuk anak-anak – menjadi tidak menyenangkan, menjadi membosankan atau malah menjadi menakutkan, maka kemungkinan besar yang salah bukanlah sang anak, tetapi sistem belajar dan tenaga pengajar itu sendiri.

Hmm..It's Mama's blackberry!

The Journey of the Clown Kids

1.
Mike : Why do you like playing blackberry so much, Ma?
Me : Why do you like playing NDS so much, Mike?
Mike : (grinning) Oh..

The conversation ended and never resurfaced again. Total understanding is the best conversation of all. If only some of the tough negotiations in the world could be accomplished like the one we just did, the world peace is coming nearer to us than ever.


2.
Nina asked me some questions. My hands and my mind were (still) glued to my blackberry and my longest-most creative answers were “uh-huh” , “hmm” , “err”

Nina : MAMA! TALK! DON'T SAY uh-huh! TALK LONGER! PUT BLACKBERRY DOWN!!


3.
On my desperate attempt to threaten Mike

Me : Mike, if you don’t study now, I‘ll take away your game and your toys.
Mike : Mama, if you don’t listen to me now, I’ll take away your blackberry.


4.
Mike drew me a nice picture on this recent Mother’s Day. It was the drawing of my laptop and my blackberry. And he wrote : To Mama. Your hobbies are reading book, playing computer, and playing blackberry. I love you.

Wow! It's toys!

The Journey of the Clown Kids





My family and I live in a modern toy museum, thanks to my husband’s growing toy collection. Men find toys fascinating. The older they get, the more expensive and complicated their stuff are. You see, all men have the Peter Pan syndrome – a syndrome so powerful that adulthood has to move aside. The toys which fall under the Peter Pan syndrome are ranging from superhero figures to electronic, gadgets, and automobiles. This syndrome is so complex that it’s best for us to set aside a different time to discuss and mock it properly. Today, we will look at the toys and their impact on my Clown Kids.

My husband (or my eldest son, I call him) started his toy collecting hobby when he was in high school. Not too much, not too crazy at that time. Till last year, I asked him to help out in my son’s school performance and I asked him if he didn’t mind appearing on the stage as Darth Vader. Little did I know, that this innocent request has connected him with his Peter Pan soul. It’s like Peter Pan meets Darth Vader in the most comical way. It was the missing link!
My husband collects collectible movie memorabilia, a hobby that quickly covers the whole house, from our bedroom to living rooms, to guest rooms, to kitchen cabinets, to walls and to library. His “vision” is to use his toys as the house’s interior design.