Raising Teens

Raising teens is HARD HARD HARD. Don't look at me. I'm not here to give you answers. I don't know how to do it either because, hey, I'm here for the first time too and I'm still learning. Surprisingly, or not, the only thing I've learned so far is that these teens could surprise me, humble me even, if only I ... listen.
Seriously. It’s that simple.
If they feel comfortable confiding in you, that's a big fat bonus. Use that trust well.

Raising teen means we need to put on our coaching jersey. You don't get to play the game with them every time, but you can still watch them play and yell out a few pointers from the side field every now and then.

We need to be more their friend and less their dictator. Putting an arm around their shoulders works much better than putting chains around their ankles.

I remember a saying from Buddha. It goes like this : If you hold them too tight, they'll choke. You hold them too loose, they'll run wild without direction.

A good wisdom 😊

Reading Control

First, lemme share with you what I know so far.

I know parents who let their fourteen-year-old daughter read FSOG.

I know parents who let their young kids read violent manga because they think manga equals comic and that all picture books and comics are harmless.

I know parents who ban YA books that have pre-marital sex scene in it. They also black-list the authors who write those scenes (bye-bye John Green and pretty much all YA writers out there).

I know parents who won’t allow their children go near—let alone read—LGBT books.

I know a lot of parents who give total freedom to their teens to buy any books they want because they think reading books is better than let’s say, playing video games or browsing porn, without ever checking the genres of the books their kids bought. Reading is good, yeah, just make sure you know what they read.

I know parents who turn to bookcray like me for book recommendations and ask questions about the books their children want to read (yay for booknerds and yay for these parents).

How far do you think our involvement should be when we notice kids read books that are not intended for them?

My biggest dilemma so far is whether or not I should notify parents whose daughter has been reading FSOG. 

While we're on the subject of book genre, I'd like to explain more about YA characteristics to some people. While YA books are relatively clean as opposed to New Adult, YA is a story about the life of teens. And with that, good realistic YA would deal with issues most teenagers face each day: curiosity, angst, depression, the urge to rebel against authority, physical changes, hormonal mood swings, crushes, and certain degree of sexual attraction and tension. Banning them won't make the issues go away.

We should read beyond the attributes of the characters. For me, the most important aspect in a story is the humanity behind it and the real emotions we as human being feel as they’re being portrayed by the characters in the books. LGBT or not, if the book tells a great story, it’s a great book. Period.

Not all parents are bookworms, and that's okay. We don't have to transform ourselves into a librarian to know what we're doing. We don't need to read the whole book before our kids to know what the story is all about. Synopsis and book reviews will help us with that. 

As parents, we just need to be present, aware, and open-minded. And before we decide whether or not our kids are ready to read books with more mature content, maybe we can all sit down together with them and discuss this? See, having a dialogue means being present and open-minded, right?  

Just saying :)

Rough Day

My teen had a rough day at school today. This time, it was a situation I couldn't fix for him.

Later on he found peace reading this "365 Days of Wonder", a book that never left his bedside table, and listening to his favorite music.

Sometimes we forget that kids need some alone-time too, just like us, to unwind. No need to hover, no need to push, no need to worry excessively.
They will find a way to settle their own problems without us interfering...

Luv ya, Kiddo 😙

2014 Summary

My seven-year-old daughter made this for me using an app she found on my Android.
She calls her creation 'My Mommy's books'.

Best Christmas present EVAH!

What do you think? Like it?

Bullying: A never-ending story

A bully (by my definition) is a cowardice person who thinks that the only way to make him/her feel superior is by dragging others down to their level.

Solution: Don’t get dragged down to their level, then. Be more.

The problem with my solution? Well, duh! It’s not easy.

Bullying happens everywhere, every time, to almost every one. Sadly, bullying happens the most at school. Kids and teenagers could be the meanest being alive.

Everyone who is literate knows the negative—sometimes lethal—effect of bullying on its victims. We’re aware that bullying is bad, no matter what the scale is. We know what we’re expected to do when we see or experience one. But—as usual with real life—knowing and experiencing are two different things.

When our kids fall victim to bullying, every wisdom and every common sense flew out of the window. Instead of being rational and calm, most the time our initial reaction would be to throw Thor’s hammer in the direction of that bully who’s hurt our children. If you say you don’t feel this way, then maybe you’re one of those robotic parents.

When our children were younger, the solutions were simpler. We could talk to the teachers, or the other parents, and most of the times the problem stopped. When kids get older, the act of bullying gets more complicated, and the involvement of an adult often seen as a weakness in the eyes of the kid. Beware of verbal bullying, because the bruises and the scars can’t be seen with our eyes and the effect usually takes a while to show its ugly face. Furthermore, we can’t possibly shelter our children 24/7 forever. On top of those, words like “ignore them” or “laugh it off” would no longer be sufficient to fight off a bully.
Even when you’re lucky to miss one bully now, there’ll be more of them out there, waiting in the shadows to meet you.

It’s complicated I say, and it is.

The only thing that we can—and always—tell our kids is that they need to find a way to stand up for themselves. How, when, what are not set in stone. Every kid will deal with this in their own way, in their own time.
The most important thing we, parents, need to constantly remind them are:
1. The definition of a bully, so they can spot one if they meet one.
2. Don’t let anyone dictate how you feel.
3. Stand up, stand up, stand up for yourself.

It’s not unusual that the kids misinterpret standing up as fighting. Standing up doesn’t mean talking with your fists, or sinking lower to their level by bullying other people or by being bitter. Standing up can be done with a simple “Stop It” or to yell a warning shout or to do a warning shove… anything.

Remember, a bully is a coward. Once he/she senses that their victim could bite, they instantly become their true-self—a coward.

So stand up.
Be firm.
Hold fierce eye-contact.
Make it matter. Make your voice matter.
Don’t ever cower.

Stand!