I don’t remember the last time I ever forgave anybody including myself. That’s probably because I’ve never done it. Forgiving is one of the hardest thing to do. Because forgiving means letting go all of the hatred, the bitterness, and the hurt that we’ve experienced. Cursing and hating those who caused us pain is a lot easier. There’s no single pain that is deeper than the others. Once you are pained, the discomfort is all the same.
Forgiving, like any other things in life, is a healing process. It takes time and courage to do it. It takes much a bigger heart to accept others as they are without the necessity for us to correct them or to change them. Some people are so lucky that they are able to forgive others all at once. Meaning, they can let go completely – the hurt, the sadness, the past – to step forward into a new life. Their steps will definitely lighter than before. Some people can’t forgive that easily. They do it piece by piece. These people still carry a bit of the grudge over their mind while slowly letting go of the other piece. Either way, start forgiving is better than not at all. If we don’t learn how to forgive and to let go, we would end up carrying all the sadness inside us. It would change the way we view the world and its people. We could become exactly like the person whom we hate. We could become selfish, ignorant, and full of self pity.
I was forced to forgive somebody lately. I had no choice since the hatred inside me was growing stronger each day, it clouded my happiness and the people’s around me. Nobody wanted to hang out with the snappy bitchy witch who was angry all the time. Once I took that first step of letting it go, I was overwhelmed by the soothing feeling. It felt like someone had removed the dark cloud that’s been hanging over my head. I can smile again - genuinely - not forced nor fake. I gradually push away those people that I forgave out of my mind. Their presence there had made my mind heavier and my heart blackened prior to my forgiving process. I need this space for sunshine, rainbow, and laughter. I must fill this space with the people who I love and with the things which I love. I am still in the process of letting go completely, let the time lead the way.
Forgive and forget. They were said to be two different things. You could forgive but you can’t forget. I choose to forgive and to remember. I want to forget the feeling of how other people’s act has hurt me. I want to forget the negativity that it has caused me before I start forgiving and letting go. But I do want to remember why it happened and how I solved it at the end. It’s important to always remember the cause of the argument, so that I always know where I must stand. I want to remember it so I won’t do what I-don’t-want-people-do-to-me to others. I want to remember it because I want to be a better person. Forget the bad, remember the lesson.
If forgiving others is hard, forgiving yourself is even harder. I tried to do that to myself once. Since I was my own judge, I raised the standard higher. It was frustratingly self-destroyed. So I stopped the effort and I looked around. I looked into the eyes of my loved ones – my family, my children – and saw the gleaming of love in their eyes. If they can love me that bad, why can’t I love myself too? Why can’t I forgive myself? The answer is “yes, I can”. I can take a deep breath, smile and give thanks. That’s forgiving me.
The real forgiveness is like closing your eyes and move forward. Put the heavy burden down, and you’ll run faster and lighter like the wind. You’ll smile prettier, you’ll have brighter days, and all of the good things starting to pile up. At the end, it’s all worth it.
Somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow. Why and oh why can’t I – Over the Rainbow (sung by glee cast)