Defying Gravity

(an anger note)

The people who can hurt you the most are usually the people who are close to you the most, because they know the location of your heart and they know how to break it easily into pieces, leaving you shatter and hurting beyond any pain and any reasons imaginable.

When I experienced that kind of hurt, I always do what I am best at doing... running away. It may not be the best solution, but I don’t know how to express the pain or dissapointment, let alone my reasons to those people who hurt me.

So, I am running...I hope I will meet other people during my run-away moment, who sincerely appreciate and respect me for who I am. People who will stand by me, stand by my cause and reasons throughout the day and night, and not just in the darkest room when noone else are around, then abandon me in the daylight when all eyes are on them. I want to meet other people who will understand me and protect me, who will never sacrifice me to fulfill their own need, their own greed, their own fear, and their own insecurity.

I hope that I am running in right path towards Mount Olympus or Heaven like some people call it these days, because I am in the dire need to speak to God. Not to desperately question Him, just want to feel His words of wisdom and peace all over again.

What does mellyberry mean?

Ada beberapa teman yang bertanya apa arti nama ‘mellyberry’ yang saya pakai di blog saya. Inilah cerita sepintas mengenai latar belakang lahirnya nama kebangsaan tersebut.

Semuanya berawal dari sebuah benda mungil bernama blackberry...

Long long time ago...saya tidak suka blackberry, bisa dibilang pendukung grup anti-blackberry. Tidak perlulah dijelaskan alasan amburadul saya membenci blackberry. Saya sering sekali mengejek teman-teman saya yang ber-blackberry. Diantara sekian banyak teman saya yang memakai blackberry , ada satu orang yang selalu menasihati saya berkenaan dengan sifat anti-blackberry saya. “Kalau tak kenal, maka tak sayang.” Kita sebut Ibu yang bijaksana ini dengan inisial 805LP. Beliau ini sosialita kondang, jadi untuk alasan keamanan perlu bagi saya untuk menyamarkan nama aslinya. Sekedar tambahan saja, 805LP jugalah yang memperkenalkan Facebook kepada saya yang asli orang gaptek. (Ini efek positif kalau hang out dengan sosialita tampaknya. *nyengir*).

Lalu tibalah suatu hari saya mendapat hadiah blackberry dari sang suami. Aihh senangnya. Segala mitos dan cibiran anti blackberry saya langsung sirna sekejap, secepat gelembung permen karet meletus. Memang benar kata Ibu 805LP tadi, tak kenal maka tak sayang. Hidup saya serasa lebih sibuk dengan hadirnya si mainan ajaib ini. Saat saya berhasil mengaktifkan blackberry saya, si Ibu 805LP ini dengan sukacitanya menulis status sebagai berikut “Welcome Mellyberry”. Ibu 805LP ini orang yang baik hati, jadi saya yakin bahwa status tadi ditulis dengan segala ketulusan hatinya. Memang benar-benar berniat mem-welcome saya ke dunia blackberry yang gegap gempita. Tapi, karena dulunya saya terkenal pedas kalau menyindir para pemakai blackberry, ucapan welcome mellyberry membuat saya jadi merasa bersalah. “Halah, dari dulu kek bergabung dengan para berries, pakai protes-protesan segala.”

Pu Tien and my comfort zone

This weekend was my in-laws’ birthdays and the family has decided to celebrate it in a far away restaurant called Pu Tien in Sawah Besar. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I received the complete address of the restarurant in my phone. Was this for real? Would they be requiring passports to enter that zip code? For a person who lives mostly in the South (suburb) part of the town, my farthest trip to the city is to Bundaran HI and then back. Even though I heard so many people telling me interesting stories about the life beyond Bundaran HI, I was never been intrigued to visit. So, this weekend apparently I was forced to try something new, entirely.

Talking about ‘try something new’, I am kinda pathetic in this department. I’ve been teaching my kids to always ‘try something new’ and keep their minds open. And I usually brag to other people that I am the champion of the ‘trying something new’ stuff (at least I am a better try-er than my husband). But everytime when situation presents me with something completely different from what I know, I dutifully retreat back. I guess what I forgot to say all along is that, I don’t mind trying something new as long as it still lies within my comfort zone. Bundaran HI is my comfort zone. Anything new within my borders are acceptable. Meaning, I am willing to give it a try. Unfortunately (for my mind), anything new outside my borders are not-that-easily-acceptable.

How many times do you feel that way? Don’t we usually judge that ‘something new outside my border’ is bad? It’s not comfortable to be out of our comfort zone, indeed. But staying too long in our comfort zone makes us lazy and ignorant. The simple answer to this problem is to (simply) try something new a little step at a time. And for me, this little step was driving accross my Kingdom to the FarAway Land to have a birthday party with my family.