Bahasaku, bosomu, and my language

Tulisan satu ini sudah pasti bakalan diprotes oleh banyak orang. Yang pertama, bisa diprotes oleh orang-orang yang menganut kosa kata dan tata bahasa yang benar dan rapi. (Tulisan ini akan ditulis dalam lebih dari satu bahasa dan dialek). Kedua, mungkin akan diprotes oleh kalangan akademik yang mengatakan pentingnya satu mother language for the children. Mereka mungkin benar, tapi ini bukan tulisan ilmiah untuk mengklaim benar atau tidaknya suatu teori. This is my story dan story dari kebanyakan teman-teman kita yang dibesarkan dalam suatu lingkungan yang multi language and multi culture.

Saya orang Jawa asli. Bukan Jawa halus ala Solo atau Jogja, tapi Jawa Surabaya. Bahasa Jawa Surabaya iki rodo khas, blasteran antara Jawa dan Madura. Bahasane keras, penuh pisuhan (swearing words) , tapi very very intimate dan penuh rasa kekeluargaan. Selain itu tentunya saya fasih berbahasa Indonesia, lalu sedikit Mandarin sana sini. Mandarin yang saya dapat saat saya masih kecil itu pun bukan Mandarin baku, tapi blasteran Jawa Mandarin. Makanya kalau mau dipakai di event internasional, orang yang bukan Jawa pasti tidak ngerti bahasa Mandarinnya Wong Jowo. Pada saat kuliah, saya pindah ke Jakarta, jadilah gue canggih berdialek ala orang Ibukota. Loe dan gue getu loh. Lalu pergi ke USA, tinggal di daerah West Coast. Jadilah berbicara English What's up, man?. Sewaktu bekerja, saya beruntung dikelilingi oleh banyak orang dari bangsa lain. Diantara sebegitu banyaknya bahasa dan dialek di tempat kerja, yang paling lekat adalah Sing-Lish. Haiya you kepo one ah, you tell me. You want, you take lah.. This one can’t do lah, too complicated meh.

Terus saya married dengan orang Jakarta made in Ujung Pandang. Wah, kalau sudah dikelilingi sanak saudara asal Makassar, jadilah ko jangang makang ikang sama pegang hangfong. (kau jangan makan ikan sama pegang handphone). Wow, ini dialek tergampang yang pernah saya temui. Cukup tambah saja huruf “g” di setiap akhir kata, kadang-kadang buang sedikit embel-embel ‘mi’, ‘kodong’, ‘toh’, bereslah sudah. Sampai suatu saat saya diminta untuk mematikan lampu... “ko bunuh mi tuh lampu.” Alamak, dibunuh pake apa?

Love is a Magical Thing

My friend, the collegegirl, once asked me to write something about “love”, “magical moments”, “there’s a heart inside”, “something romantic.” Saya bisanya cuma meringis nyinyir, “Haree genee masih seputar love dan sejenisnya? Valentine udah lewat boo..” Tapi tentu saja saya tidak sedemikian resenya menjawab permintaan sang collegegirl. Hanya bisa maklum kalau si collegegirl ini (agak) kelebihan hormon ABG nya.

So here I am, writing something about love. Tentunya dengan segala keterbatasan dan kenyinyiran saya terhadap subyek love itu sendiri.

Apa sih cinta itu ? Saya tidak punya definisi yang tepat, tapi sudah banyak orang hebat yang berhasil menggambarkan apa cinta itu ke dalam bentuk yang lebih grafik. Dari cerita klasik Romeo and Juliet, ke Broadway shows Phantom of the Opera, Les Miserables, sampai ke jaman vampire dengan Twillight saga nya. Semua berusaha menggambarkan cinta yang sejati, cinta yang rruarr biasa, cinta yang dahsyat. Saking dahsyatnya sampai salah satu pihak rela mati demi sang cinta. Tak bisa hidup tanpa sang kekasih pujaan hati. Sudah cukup romantis belum nih? Garis besarnya, cinta adalah perasaan menyayangi seseorang atau sesuatu yang sedemikian besarnya sehingga kita rela berkorban untuk orang atau sesuatu tadi. Cinta itu lebih besar dan lebih beharga dari diri kita sendiri. Kita rela menjadi selfless, tidak semuanya me,myself, and I. Kita rela kalau kepentingan kita ditaruh di urutan keseribu, dan kepentingan orang yang kita cintai itu ditaruh di barisan terdepan. Cinta kita kepada pasangan kita, kepada anak-anak kita, kepada orang tua kita, kepada keluarga, kepada teman baik kita adalah contoh selfless unconditional love. Tidak semua cerita cinta atau perasaan cinta mesti dibarengi dengan sengatan listrik 1000 watt yang menggelepar-gelepar. Itu dulu kali, pas masa remaja selagi hormon sedang tidak stabil dan saat kita sedang merasakan jatuh cinta untuk pertama kalinya. Seiring dengan berjalannya waktu, jatuh cinta mungkin tidak se-nggelepar-nggelepar dulu, tapi jangan sampai tidak ada sengatannya sama sekali. Cinta kalau sudah tidak ada sengatan listriknya sama saja dengan mati lampu, gelap gulita boo. Kadang-kadang, yang namanya manusia, sering terjebak dalam rutinitas yang itu-itu saja. Dan rutinitas itu bisa mempengaruhi rasa dan kesan cinta itu sendiri. Biasanya dampaknya menjadi lebih hambar.

Children Learn What They Live

This is one of my favourite poem of all time! Written by Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.


Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.


If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Going away present

I just learned that one of my buddy is leaving Indonesia for good with her entire family. One of her kid is a friend of my son. My first reaction was (of course) bitchy. “NOOO!” “Not fair. Why didn"t you relocate to Magelang or Bandung? Why Europe?” “Who’s gonna do this and that for me?”

After all of those bitchiness and jealousy spread along on the table, I began to realize how happy I am for her and especially for her kids. This is a million dollar worth opportunity for them and for the kids’ future. She should go ahead and move forward. I will personally pack her inside a luggage if she hesitates even for one second. And yes, of course I will miss her. I will miss her kids. I will miss the comfortable zone I am in when she lives so close by to me. Who else could lend me batik, books, copy of school letters and homework? (my son is super careless at school, so both of us, me and my son, depend so much on her son for any school information). We can totally depend on her when it comes to food too. And nanny. And party. And (did I mention) school information?

I only know her for less than a year. However, she is sometimes the subject of my amusement and frustration. She is the type of person who is very kepo. Seksi sibuk, we call it. For her, sexy sibuk is more like it cos she is so-sexy in everything that she does. And I mean it in an adorable mocking way. She is also subject of my inspiration when writing about Women, like kita dan dugem, kita dan smoker (peace, dear).

What I think about "The Blind Side" movie

“What’s the buzz?” I thought. I flipped the box and read “based on the extraordinary true story.” I was skeptical. I always believe that Hollywood’s true story has different definition than the rest-of-the-world’s true story.
So, with a sniff of cynicism, I watched the movie alone in one clear afternoon. No other people, no distraction. Uninterrupted.

I ended up watching the movie 3 times.

This movie talked about many things. Love, hard work and commitment. Also chance, trust, and open mindedness.
Not everyone could do what Leigh Ann did. Not everyone could do what Michael Oher did.

What would you do when a chance presents itself in front of you? Would you grab it? Or would you ignore it?
Grabbing it is like accepting a box of present. The Blind Side told a story about what happened next after you intercepted a chance. After you accepted the gift. Chance needs a lot of work, commitment, and sacrifices. Anyone who thinks that a chance itself will work its magic without any hard work, is fooling himself/herself. Taking the chance without the will to work on it is like accepting the gift and storing your unwrapped present in the storage.
It’s a give and take situation. The family gave the boy a chance. The boy took that chance, and then together they worked on it to bring it to the next level. They walked through obstacles, they chased miracles, and they came out understanding each other better.

Chasing A Dream

Chasing a dream is a hard work. Sometimes it seems so far away that it makes us feel hopeless. Yet the other times, it seems so close that we can smell it and almost snatch it.

I've been chasing my dreams since forever. Some of them came true, some of them not yet... I keep on chasing my dreams, up and down the hills in my high heels, skinny jeans and carrying an oversized handbag. Gee, no wonder I can't reach some of mine.
I should've worn Crocs, short pants and carried a backpack.

Chasing a dream should reflect who I am, not the person I want everybody to see. I should make myself comfortable in chasing my dreams...and you should be too.

It's A Wonderful Christmas

It’s A Wonderful Christmas
Friday 11 December 2009

My son’s school has just celebrated a Christmas concert. In an event sponsored and choreographed by the parents, this Christmas celebration was open to all students and parents regardless of their race and religion.
In my lifetime experience as a Catholic, this was my first experience coming to a Christmas celebration attended by quite variety of audience. There was a lot of “first times” for me too. The committee of this Christmas party was consisted of not only Christian-Catholic parents, but also non Christian-Catholic. Their contribution in so many ways, were more than was expected. The children who participated in the dance, drama, and choir were also coming from not just Christian-Catholic students, but other religions as well. And to add to my surprises, all of the parents and the children who actively participated and sponsored this event were doing this out of voluntary basis. No pressure. Pure voluntary.
It is easy to just say “no”, it is easy to just say “oh it’s not my religion”, “it’s not my party”, and “it’s not my concern”.

The event was very successful. We saw in the audience that the non Christian-Catholic parents came bringing their entire family to this event. The children merrily blend in, all wearing the Santa’s hats and red shirts. We even had Moslem parents sing Christmas songs on the stage, as a gift to us who celebrate Christmas.